I'm a pedophile but that doesn't make me
我是一个恋童癖，但这并不意味着我是
a molester I'm a virtuous pedophile have
一个性骚扰者我是一个善良的恋童癖
you ever abused a child no do you still
你曾经虐待过孩子吗不你仍然
fantasize about it though yes I find
幻想它虽然是的我发现
this crazy how young the younger stage I
这很疯狂年轻的阶段我
could possibly be attracted to would be
可能会被吸引
probably about seven in the past I did
过去大概七岁左右，我确实
do some volunteering with children you
做了一些与孩子们一起的志愿活动，你
wanted to be around kids is that so you
想和孩子们在一起，这样你就
can perv on a
可以变态，所以
so when you're there you didn't fancy
当你在那里时，你不喜欢
any of them yes I did but it's not the
他们中的任何一个，是的，我喜欢，但这不是
same thing that is mad I can't
同样的事情很疯狂，我无法
understand you I'm sorry that is crazy
理解你，对不起，这
to me it's very difficult and I'm scared
对我来说很疯狂，这非常困难，我很害怕，
I'm scared that this is going to be a
我害怕这将是一个
huge huge mistake
巨大的错误，
what is a virtuous pedophile virtuous
什么是善良的恋童癖，善良的
pedophile
恋童癖
is someone who has a sexual attraction
是什么 对儿童有性吸引力
to children but who has decided that
但认为
that shouldn't mean that they would
这不应该意味着他们会
abuse a child do you class this as a
虐待儿童的人，您是否将其归类为
sexual orientation or like a dislike
性取向或不喜欢
mental disorder I think it's it's a
精神障碍我认为这是
phenomenon that happens in brains
大脑中发生的一种现象
I'm happy to accept the term disorder as
我' 我很高兴接受“障碍”这个词，
much as I'm happy to accept the term
就像我很高兴接受“性取向”这个词一样，
sexual orientation or I don't think you
或者我认为你
can call anything a sexual orientation
不能把任何东西称为性取向，
when it can never be consensual I have a
因为它永远不可能是双方同意的。我有一个
child and I with no way shape or form
孩子，我无法塑造或 即使正确地看待它们，形式
would ever feel comfortable with you
也会对你感到舒服，
even looking at them right so I think
所以我想
then you should have maybe therapy or
你应该接受治疗或与
something someone to talk to to try and
某人交谈来尝试，
actually see if this is something that
看看这是否是
can be rewired in your brain or do you
可以在你的大脑中重新连接的东西，或者你
think it could be changed I don't know
认为它可能是 改变了，我不知道
this is obviously why I'm here I'd hope
这显然就是我来这里的原因，我希望
so have you ever abused a child no
你曾经虐待过一个孩子，
have you ever wanted to
你有没有想过，
um
嗯，
I suppose I've thought of the
我想我已经很好地想到了这种
possibility
可能性，
well what is it about a child that
一个孩子到底是怎么回事？
you're attracted to
被吸引，
that's really difficult to answer you
这真的很难回答，你
could name different things different
可以命名不同的东西，不同的
physical features you can name different
身体特征，你可以命名不同的
things about personality I don't see
关于个性的东西，我不认为
that that's going to be different to a
这会与
list that some like heterosexual guy
异性恋男人
would give you about you know but
给你的关于你的清单有所不同，知道吗？ 但
they're adults no I totally go you're
他们是成年人，不，我完全同意，你会被
attracted to Children if you had it your
孩子所吸引，如果你按照自己的
way you would have sex with a child it's
方式行事，你会与孩子发生性关系，这是
true that my brain obviously is you know
真的，我的大脑显然是
has an attraction and normally because
有吸引力的，通常是因为
most people can go ahead and ethically
大多数人都可以在道德上继续前进
pursue at least sexual activity with the
至少与
person they're attracted to
他们所吸引的人发生性行为
I know that's not the case
我知道情况并非如此
a lot of us don't ever abuse a child and
我们很多人都不会虐待孩子，也
don't ever seek to abuse a child being a
不会试图虐待孩子 作为父母，
parent
do you understand why I'd feel
你明白为什么我会这么做吗？ 让
uncomfortable having you in a room by my
你和我女儿一起在一个房间里感到不舒服是的，
daughter is there yes I do understand
我确实理解，
and I understand what you might assume
我理解你可能认为
I'd want to do
我想做的事情，
but on the other hand there are perhaps
但另一方面，也许有一些
men that you I don't know if you're
男人，我不知道你是否
married but there are perhaps men you
已婚 但也许有些男人你
wouldn't want to be in the same room as
不想和
your wife I know it's a different
你的妻子在同一个房间里，我知道这是一种不同的
situation because she can that's that's
情况，因为她可以，那就是
a different situation that's nothing
一种不同的情况，与
like this situation you're talking as if
你所说的这种情况完全不同，就好像
you have in these attractions it's a
你在这些景点中遇到的那样
harmless thing like you don't think it's
像你这样无害的东西，
wrong even that you find a young child
即使你发现一个小孩子
attractive the problem is
有吸引力，也不认为这是错误的，问题是它
that it's a spontaneously arising thing
是一种自发产生的东西，
the attraction itself is involuntary
吸引力本身是非自愿的，
something that's involuntary isn't a
非自愿的东西不是一种
choice so do you watch like TV programs
选择，所以你看电视节目之类的
and stuff and look a kid and be like a
东西吗？ 看起来像个孩子，像一个
fancy a fancy yes that does happen
幻想，幻想，是的，确实发生了，
I find this crazy that is mad I can't
我发现这很疯狂，很疯狂，我无法
理解你，对不起，这对
to me is a young young child's like it's
我来说很疯狂，就像一个年幼的孩子，就像这是一件
it's a worrying thing there's
令人担忧的事情 在
the brain does things pre before you're
你有意识地思考之前，大脑就已经做好了准备，
even thinking consciously about them
and attraction is one of those things
而吸引力是
what age did you become aware that you
你几岁开始意识到你
liked younger kids about when I was 11
喜欢年幼的孩子的事情之一，当我11岁时，
and I was attracted to 11 year old boys
我被11岁的男孩所吸引，
I would be attracted to my peers and I
我会被11岁的男孩吸引
will continue to be attracted to my
peers when I was sort of 13 14 15 but by
当我 13 14 15 岁的时候，我和我的同龄人将继续被同龄人所吸引，但是当
the time I'm 14 I'm noticing that I'm
我 14 岁时，我注意到我
still attracted to the boys at school
仍然被学校里
who are 11. I suddenly realized at that
11 岁的男孩所吸引。我突然意识到 那时候
time that it also went younger than 11
还不到11岁，
as well how young the youngest age I
我
可能被吸引的最小年龄可能是
probably about seven
7岁左右，
why are you abused as a child uh
你小时候为什么被虐待，呃
no I wasn't sexually abused as a child I
不，我小时候没有被性虐待，我
was bullied badly
被欺负得很厉害
my family certainly were not abusive I
我的家人当然没有虐待我，我
grew up in a loving household I had an
在一个充满爱的家庭中长大，我有一种
attraction that nobody wanted to know
about at that time which was
当时没有人想知道的吸引力，那就是
being gay so I'm I'm I'm I'm gay I was
同性恋，所以我是我是我是同性恋我是
the only gay in school and I had a lot
唯一的同性恋 在学校里，我遭受了
of bullying through that some people
很多欺凌，有些人
will believe that people that are gay
会相信同性恋者
should have therapy to sort of change
应该接受治疗来改变
that and I I don't think that's possible
这一点，我认为这是不可能的，
do you think that these sexual
你认为这些
attraction to Children is similar in the
对孩子的性吸引力是相似的吗？
way that it's something that can't be
这是无法完全
changed exactly it isn't similar in the
改变的事情，它与采取行动是对还是错的方式并不相似，
way that it would be right or wrong to
act on it yeah it is similar probably
是的，它很相似，
like if you think about the science of
如果你考虑一下它的科学性，
it I'm really careful I don't like
我真的很小心，我不’ 不喜欢
making the comparison because I think
进行比较，因为我认为
it's a really stigmatizing for gay
这对同性恋者来说确实是一种耻辱，
people so do you have therapy now I
所以你现在接受治疗吗？我
don't have therapy now that I have had
现在没有接受治疗，因为我
in the past it's really hard to get any
过去接受过治疗，所以很难让任何
pedophile to talk to a therapist at all
恋童癖者与治疗师交谈。 有
there's lots of reasons for that we're
很多原因，我们
very frightened we think we might get
非常害怕，我们认为
reported even if we haven't done Asia do
即使我们没有去过亚洲，我们也可能会被举报，
you have any attraction to adults as
你对成年人也有任何吸引力吗？
well like do you have you been in
你有恋爱
relationships yes and I've had adult
关系吗？是的，我有过成年人的恋爱
relationships so can you find adults as
关系，所以 你能发现成年人和
attractive as you can children pretty
孩子一样有吸引力吗？
much and have you told people that
你有没有告诉别人你
you've gotten into relationships with
已经和你建立了关系，你
that you've you've got this attraction
已经被这种吸引力
a couple of times and how has that been
几次了，人们对此的反应如何？
received it's being received okay in the
situations I was in they weren't
我所处的情况并不是
complicated situations by which I mean
复杂的情况，我的意思是
there wasn't for example a child
没有例如孩子
involved around or something like that
参与其中或类似的情况，
have you ever had it where you've had a
您是否曾经遇到过
sexual relationship with the person and
与该人发生性关系并
fantasize about a child I have sometimes
幻想一个孩子的情况 我有时是的，
yeah well having sexual interactions
很好，与成年人进行性互动，
with an adult thought of a child there
想到了一个孩子，
are adults who like that really yeah in
有些成年人真的很喜欢这样，是的，从
a role-play sense wow
角色扮演的角度来看，哇，
have you had many long-lasting
relationships as an adult I haven't had
作为一个成年人，你有很多持久的关系吗？我没有
many long-lasting relationships and it's
多少持久的关系
always a background factor that I think
我认为这始终是一个背景因素，
at some point this might come up the
在某些时候，这可能会成为
fact of being a pedophile and in a way
恋童癖的事实，并且在某种程度上，
you start to think just how fair is that
你开始思考对
on the other person that they might have
另一个人来说，有一天他们可能
to hear that one day and I don't think
不得不听到这个消息是多么公平， 我认为
anyone who thinks about this situation
任何思考一下这种情况的人都不会因为
for a second is going to be surprised
that we don't disclose
我们不披露而感到惊讶，
because what on Earth is in it for any
因为这对任何人来说到底意味着什么，
human being what sort of contact have
you had with a child the contact I've
你与孩子有过什么样的接触，我的接触 我
had with children is social contact not
和孩子们有过的接触是社交接触，而不是
sexual contact in the past I did do some
性接触，我过去确实做过一些与
volunteering with children you've done
孩子们一起做的志愿者工作，你也做过和
volunteering to work with children yeah
孩子们一起做的志愿者工作是的，你
knowing you're attracted to them knowing
知道你被他们吸引，知道
that I had the attraction but also known
我有这种吸引力，但
even at that stage that I wasn't going
即使在那个阶段也知道 我不会
to well purposely knowing you're going
故意知道你要和
to be working with the kids not per well
孩子们一起工作，
what do you mean by purposely you wanted
你的意思是故意你想和
to be around kids is that so you can
孩子们在一起，这样你就可以对
perv on them no so when you're out there
他们进行变态，所以当你出去的时候
you're doing a fancy move on yes I did
你在那里做了一个奇特的举动，是的，我做了，
but it's not the same thing but how is
但这不是同一件事，但这怎么不是
it not the same thing I'm not going to
同一件事，我不会
say like oh it was absolutely fine it
说，哦，这绝对没问题，它
was perfect every pedophile should do it
是完美的，每个恋童癖者都应该这样做，
nothing bad happened and certainly those
没有什么不好的事情发生 当然，那些
children wouldn't have never had any
孩子永远不会
idea if I had had an attraction would
知道如果我有一个吸引力，
you ever think what the parents would
你会想到父母会怎么想吗？
think about that I know that the parents
我知道父母
would hate that I think that anybody
会讨厌我认为任何
that has children should have a right to
有孩子的人都应该有权利
have that disclosed I do understand why
拥有 我确实理解为什么
you say it that everybody should have
你说每个人都应该
the right to have people like me just
有权让像我这样的人
disclose but you have to be realistic
披露，但你必须现实地了解
about what the penalties are for doing
so if I told one person I have no
如果我告诉一个人我
control at that point over who they
当时无法控制谁这样做会受到什么惩罚 他们
might tell and what that person's
可能会告诉他们，那个人的
attitude might be so you would have you
态度可能是什么，这样你就会让你
would be involved in people's lives with
参与到人们与孩子一起的生活中，
children and just not say what's the
而不是说还有什么
alternative
选择，不是
not not be around children forever I do
永远不在孩子身边，我确实
want people to know but it's not that
想让人们知道，但这并不那么
simple have you ever viewed pornographic
简单，你有过吗？ 观看
images of children I have never viewed
儿童色情图片 我从未看过
any sexual content of children
任何儿童的色情内容，为什么
why not
不呢？这是
it's kind of a combination of
一种结合，嗯，
um being aware of the consequences
意识到这样做的后果，
feeling it's morally wrong and also
感觉这在道德上是错误的，而且
I don't think that would be something
我认为这不会成为
that would be an outlet for me you still
我的出路 你仍然
fantasize about it though yep
幻想着它，是的，在内心
so deep down here you feel you're not
深处，你觉得你没有
doing nothing wrong I haven't broken the
做错什么，我没有违反
law yes in myself I feel like I didn't
法律，是的，我自己觉得我没有
choose the attraction I don't think it's
选择这个景点，我不认为
unreasonable that I get some kind of
我得到的东西是不合理的 某种形式的
sexual life so long as that's ethical
性生活，只要这是道德的，
and I certainly have been through phases
我确实经历过这样的阶段，
where I felt certainly the best way out
我觉得最好的出路
is to die and I plan to die fairly often
就是死，说实话，我打算经常死，
to be honest
I think the decision you end up making
我认为你最终做出的决定
is if you're not going to die what are
是，如果你“ 我不会死，
you going to do
你要做什么，
and so you have to have some quality of
所以你必须有一定的生活质量，
life somehow
do you talk to other people who's
你会和其他被
attracted to kids online so um the
网上孩子吸引的人交谈吗？嗯，
community I'm in so it's like a bulletin
我所在的社区，所以它就像一个公告
board no images that can be shared
牌，没有图像 可以分享，
that's not technologically possible
这在技术上是不可能的，
um and there are rules about the way
嗯，关于
that you can talk about pedophilia but
谈论恋童癖的方式有一些规则，但
you still communicate with people who
你仍然不可避免地与那些
have career crimes against kids
对儿童有职业犯罪的人进行交流，
inevitably yes sometimes you will speak
是的，有时你会与那些
to someone who's for example who's child
sexual abuse material online it seems
在网上发布儿童性虐待材料的人交谈
like to me these child forums you all
在我看来，这些儿童论坛你们都
just enabling one another really
只是互相帮助，真正
enabling what explain to me then yeah
让我明白了什么，然后是的，
make me understand how how do you
让我明白你们如何
support one another on these forums then
在这些论坛上互相支持，然后
people come along usually the problem
人们通常会遇到
they're presenting with is that they're
他们遇到的问题是他们 我
feeling enormous loneliness
感到巨大的孤独，
we don't encourage people to do illegal
我们不鼓励人们做非法的
things why wear a mask I'm wearing a
事情，为什么要戴口罩，我戴
mask obviously because I'm just scared
口罩显然是因为我只是担心
for my physical safety
自己的人身安全，
obviously I'd lose my job if it became
显然，如果人们知道我是这样，我就会失去工作。
known that I was doing something like
做这样的事情，
this I want to at least have had a
我希望至少在
chance of before I go of having had some
我离开之前有机会接受
of that acceptance that I was really
我真正渴望的一些接受，
craving
um in spite of what I am
不管我是谁，
I think the change I'd like to see is
我认为我希望看到的改变是
that we understand more about where
我们理解 更多关于恋
pedophilia is a risk
童癖是一种风险的信息，
that not only pedophiles can have some
不仅恋童癖者可以
role in society without just immediately
在社会中发挥一定作用，而且不会立即
losing it because that fact is known but
失去它，因为这一事实是众所周知的，但
it's not going to happen people ain't
它不会发生，人们不会
gonna work with you knowing that you
与你合作，因为知道你
fancy kids I find it difficult because I
喜欢孩子，我觉得这很困难 因为我
don't think that you should personally
认为你个人不应该和
be around children but then I also on
孩子在一起，但另一方面我也
the flip side feel like this is probably
觉得这可能是
something that is wide in your brain and
你大脑中广泛存在的东西，
you can't help it I don't think that
你无法控制它我不认为
you're this horrible evil person and I
你是这样的 可怕的邪恶的人，我
think that there should be more
认为应该有更多的
conversation not to excuse it but just
对话，不是为了借口，而是
allow people to one get help and to
让人们获得帮助，并
hopefully stop any kids being abused in
希望将来阻止任何孩子受到虐待，
the future I feel like this whole
我觉得这整个
situation for you is a little bit
情况对你来说
hopeless it's hard for me to try and
有点绝望，这很难 对我来说，尝试
even empathize with you to me I just
甚至同情你，我只是
think it's a bit of a lost cause this
觉得有点失落，因为这
has been a difficult conversation for me
对我来说是一次艰难的谈话，
it's very difficult and I'm scared that
非常困难，我担心
this is going to be a huge huge mistake
这将是我一生中的一个巨大错误——
a life-changing mistake I wouldn't have
改变错误
done it if I wasn't prepared for the
如果我没有做好准备的话我就不会这样做，这就是它将会
possibility that that's what it's going
to be
发生的情况
we need a world where people can walk
我们需要一个人们可以
into a room and talk about this and
走进一个房间谈论这个并且
they don't end up dead
他们最终不会死的世界，
um I don't I don't I don't think he's an
嗯我 我不认为他是一个
evil person I take away from this
邪恶的人，我
knowing now that not all pedophiles are
现在知道并不是所有的恋童癖者都是，嗯，
um I mean I do think he's at risk but I
我的意思是我确实认为他有危险，但我
don't think that you know I didn't know
不认为你知道我没有 知道
that there was a pedophile that wasn't
有一个恋童癖者
going to intentionally go out and molest
不会故意出去猥亵
children yeah I think that definitely
儿童，是的，我认为这绝对
was a learning curve it's definitely
是一个学习曲线，这绝对是
something that needs to be spoken about
需要谈论的事情，
but in this in Mouse's case I just think
但在老鼠的情况下，我只是认为
his mentality is just a bit hopeless
他的心态只是一个 有点绝望